“Who needs a face lamp when you can have the whole object?”
”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
3 notes
“Are you going to do a blog for Mother’s Day?”
“Maybe.”
“Well, here’s a picture of you and me and Nana and grandma Giambalvo.”
“OK.”
“Say something nice, not ‘oh, my Mom told me I had to post this’”.
“OK.”
“She has Renaissance cleavage.”
“I think that’s a Regency-style dress, though.”
“How do you even have any friends?”
“I don’t like when people talk about ‘treating themselves’. I don’t like the way that sounds.”
“You do realize that literally all you do is treat yourself, right?”
“That’s not the point.”
“So, tell me about what’s been going on with ____.”
“Do you have a pen?”
“Why?”
“It’s just easier if I draw you a diagram.”
“This from the person watching Whitney.”
“I’m only watching it because Are You There, Chelsea? is on next!”
“Less than a hundred people are diagnosed with it every year!”
“You can’t just have a regular thing wrong with you, can you?”
“I’m not a regular person.”
“Fair.”
“Isn’t this cute?”
“It is, and I’m really proud of you, because the exact thing you needed was definitely another fucking dress.”
“You just need to be like Princess Diana brightly ministering to the orphans.”
“Excuse me?”
“Oh, like you never practice that voice in the mirror.”
“So if it’s that cold why didn’t you just wear jeans?”
“I have a hard time wearing pants.”
“Excuse me?”
“They have to hit at exactly the right spot, right above the middle of my ankle, because I hate the feeling of pant material puddling around my shoes, and also I like the way exposed ankles look, especially on people who are short as I am, but it’s too cold to go sockless and obviously wearing socks with ankle-length pants is out of the question, so I just don’t wear them because I can’t figure out what to do.”
“Have you ever considered seeing a therapist?”
