July 2011
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If I live on the Upper West Side two doors over from a dog daycare, how many Corgis will I see every day?
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“Did you drag that desk out to the curb today because _______ is having guests and you knew it would annoy him?”
“Yes.”
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“Oh my God, I looooooove your dress!”
“Aw, thank you!”
“Aren’t summer dresses the best? Like, your dress is so low-cut but because it has hearts on it, you don’t look slutty!”
”.”
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Sometimes I lie awake in the middle of the night thinking about the thematic similarities of ‘Can’t Stand Losing You’ and ‘(The Angels Wanna Wear My) Red Shoes’.
I’m supposed to be getting ready to go to a party but there’s so much Colonial furniture on the episode of Antiques Roadshow I have on in the background.
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Could I live in a really small bedroom if it came with a huge closet and a bathroom with floor-to-ceiling windows that would allow me to look at historic buildings whilst showering?
‘I was thinking. You’re hard to categorize, even in the male fantasy area. Maybe you’re a mixture of genres. ‘A mutant’, I went on (I love these typologies). ‘You’re not a sexpot. Not dizzy enough. You’re not a Hot Lay either, not quite. Too calculating. You’re definitely something of a Sack Artist. And a Mata Hari too. And a Vamp. And a...
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“I’m probably going to bring my cello and never play it.”
“Yeah, but it’ll look cool.”
“It will?”
“You can use it as a line, like, ‘you wanna come back to my place and see my cello?’”
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“What the dickens!” is an oath referring, not to Charles, but to Satan. “Dickens” probably derives from a common English surname, or from “Dickin,” the diminutive of “Dick.” The reason it was substituted euphemistically for “devil” in the exclamation “What the devil!” probably has little to do with the behavior of some...
Why aren’t there better Google Image results for ‘ghost Corgi’?
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“OK, so you know when they all stand in a circle and drop their towels?”
“Yeah?”
“There’s a lady. Like, in the middle of the circle!”
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In case you were wondering, the girls we saw at the bar last night once wrote out a ‘Cool Quiz’, and everyone who sat at their lunch table had to take it and pass in order to continue being allowed to sit there.
They’d specifically designed it so that I’d fail.
I don’t have anything to say about that NYT dress article that isn’t mean, but I will say that it would’ve been much more servicey of them to ask each woman how she manages the zip-up problem, which is weighing on me heavily because the dress I bought at Shareen’s a few weeks ago has no give and buttons up the back.
