July 2011
“Do you feel like you need a _____ because you’re stressed, or are you stressed because you need a _____ ?”
“Wait, did you call me or did I call you?”
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“The real evils, indeed, of Miss Woodhouse’s situation were the power of having rather too much her own way, and a disposition to think a little too well of herself; these were the disadvantages which threatened to alloy her many enjoyments.
The danger, however, was at present so unperceived that they did not by any means rank as misfortunes with her.”
Jane Austen, Emma
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“I could totally win a hot body contest in Wisconsin.”
”.”
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My essay about plot and the novels of Tana French... →
italicsmine:
“In Harold and the Purple Crayon, that beloved children’s book by Crockett Johnson, the moon that Harold draws at the beginning of the story is what allows him to return to his bedroom at the end of the story. In fact, once Harold draws his purple moon, it appears on every page. It has to–it’s lighting his way. Not that a reader, young or old, would necessarily notice its...
One of the waiters at last night’s extended family dinner looked like B-list Brad (this is a Thing now, I guess) and he did a really good job of making sure my margarita glass was never empty.
“It’s too early to start really drinking.”
“Or should we start drinking now so that we’ll be too drunk to go?”
“I like where your head is at.”
For all my ladyfriends—Dionne from Clueless (also that Kanye video) is sitting one pedicure chair over.
We’re getting pedicures and I’m trying to keep from squirming (ticklish) and slow Portishead remixes are playing and it’s just a really strange vibe is all.
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Some wonder whether schools should focus on history at all, when the ability to recall historic facts or themes might not help students land certain jobs later on.
I feel like the whole Internet is trying to neg me today.
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Chardonnay does not equal water.
“You’re looking very Mrs. Rochester this morning.”
“Is that supposed to be an insult?”
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“I’m calling from the beer aisle at Gelson’s.”
“Don’t you usually call me from the produce section?”
“Exactly.”
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The best thing about last night’s baseball game was when they cut to a shot of Tim Lincecum and Nomar goes, “glad to see that he can still dip even though he has the stomach flu”.
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Call for submissions
singoutlouise:
It’s our lucky day:
“This issue of Women’s Studies Quarterly attempts to intervene in the present moment by conjuring the power and seductions of enchantment…What might be the serious and playful role of enchantments in materializing that world?”
If you’re thinking of submitting, here are some suggested topics that I cannot say aloud with a straight face:
“Haunting and...
A butterfly just landed on my bare shoulder and I don’t know whether to be flattered or grossed out.
“I been in jail for eight months, and I got manly needs. I got to go out and get my freak on, you know?”
-Dad (Grandpa?) on last night’s Teen Mom
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It’s important to figure out which Jane Austen character you are, especially because everyone wants to be Elizabeth Bennett but no one is.
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I tossed and turned and fidgeted all night.
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Young Manhattanite: When there is no writing out... →
When there is no writing out there to speak for itself, the writer talks about writing. Maybe they write a story about it. Or an essay. Or they read a story/essay about writing, which is an elegant way of avoiding writing, because it provides a writerly fog that nearly simulates writing itself….
“Would he have persevered, and uprightly, Fanny must have been his reward, and a reward very voluntarily bestowed.
Had he done as he intended, and as he knew he ought, by going down to Everingham after his return from Portsmouth, he might have been deciding his own happy destiny. But he was pressed to stay for Mrs. Fraser’s party: his staying was made of flattering consequence, and he...
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“And how is that working out for you?”
“Surprisingly well?”
“One thing I have always admired about you is your open mind.”
Does anyone actually want to know what I think...
lifeaquatic:
I’ll tell you what I’m in love with: Chase Utley’s inside the park home run.
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“I’m so sad that my Poison cassette just broke!”
“What are you going to do when your toes are hanging off the bed and you have a Corgi who tries to bite them?”
“Corgi legs are too short. He won’t be able to reach.”
“You have a really detailed inner fantasy life.”
“last night i had a dream that you showed up to good luck bar wearing a huge...”
– Angela had this dream about me last night. I’m just gonna pretend her dreams predict the future. (via saraliz)
Let me know if you’d like me to have a dream about you and then explain it in an email.
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I went to B-list Choire’s bar again last night and he didn’t even have to ask what I wanted.
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Politely horrified.
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“If I ever have a ______, I just want it to be about strangers hooking up with each other.”
“So the theme of your _______ will be ‘key party’?”
“Uh-huh.”
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“The President is involved in a lot of important things, and today he’s going to meet Brian Wilson.”
-Sarge
“Wow, there’s so much more space in here”, I said to Dadbro about the newly-cleaned out garage, right before I ran into a stack of boxes with the car.
