December 2011
“He’s grown a beard, you know, because he’s a graduate student now.”
-lady next to me at Bloomingdale’s, to her friend.
I like when rappers talk about Maison Martin Margiela.
This is a first-world lady problem if ever such a thing existed, but when a coat I want (and can’t really afford in the first place) is sold out and the “shop for similar items” list includes an (on sale, but still) Balenciaga, I can’t help but feel like it’s a personal affront.
1 tag
“How much would you pay it?”
“Ten dollars.”
”.”
“In cat money, though. That’s like a thousand dollars in human money.”
1 tag
Don’t make me womansplain the concept of bracelet sleeves because you think my wrists might be cold and then tell me you thought they looked nice all along.
Also, when a man I don’t know uses the word ‘delicate’ (in relation to the aforementioned wrists, specifically, but also in general) to describe some aspect of my corporeal form, I assume he wants to make my face into...
Mirrored department store escalators as metaphor for confronting ugly aspects of self.
I know I’m late on this one, but the ubiquity of the song on LA rap and pop radio has made me wonder—when Kanye talks about a girl ordering ‘fish fillet’, what does he mean? Is that code for something? Probably a sex act?
Last night at Dadbro’s office holiday party I was talking to one of his coworkers, a person I’ve known for as long as I can remember.
He was asking me if I’d had a chance to see his daughter, a pink-haired fifteen year old, and when I said I thought she’d slipped out before I got a chance to say hello, he told me she’d been in a hurry to leave because she and the...
2 tags
I always thought watching a parent deal with Serious Health Problems would be dramatic—clasping hands around bedsides, professions of love and affection.
Instead, it’s trying not to cry or yell at the deli counter at Whole Foods whilst reading the names of 17 different kinds of prepared salad aloud.
1 tag
“I’d like to see you do a triathlon.”
“I could do a triathlon, no problem.”
“Yeah? What would the three events be?”
“A nice tequila, a beer, and a bong load.”
1 tag
“So Erin’s mom takes us to the flea market, and when we get there she, like, parks and gets out of the car, and Erin’s like, yeah, she’s coming with us!”
“Oh my God, I’d die.”
2 tags
Friends who drop you off and drive away versus friends who wait in the street until you get the door unlocked and give the ‘all clear’ signal.
Lady standing behind me in the baggage claim line, you look like a hotter Kim Gordon but juice fasts are NOT going to slow your hair loss.
What should I put on my Christmas list?
1 tag
“I want to read this book that I should’ve read forever ago.”
“What book?”
“It’s by this guy Roland Barthes. It’s about, like, semiotics?”
I’m just tired of faceless rich people of the 1870s and their tasteful Italianate rowhouses.
How would you feel about my proposal to raze Murray Hill and put up a Corbusier-style complex? Maybe with a park?
I mean, definitely go to grad school if you love PowerPoint.
Last night my roommate and I were complaining about PowerPoint when, at the exact same moment, we looked over at the cat and mocked the way she was cleaning her face with her paw.
‘Super Bass’ is great (and will surely sound even better coming out of the speakers of Dadbro’s Prius next week) but the best Nicki Minaj song is the one with the Big Pink sample, and the best Nicki Minaj performance is her verse on the Trey Songz song where she raps about Anna Nicole.
1 tag
1 tag
All I’ll say about Sidney Crosby is that a few days ago I compared him to Catwoman and Molly was like, ‘they should of cast him instead of Anne Hathaway’ and I’m still laughing about it.
Whether you were up late watching internet videos of corgis on treadmills or you spent the last hour crying hysterically over your student loan balance, there are times when you’re going to have to be somewhere after a series of decisions or circumstances have led to your face looking like it’s having an allergic reaction to life. But just because you feel like shit doesn’t mean...
19th century society ladies using the patronymic are making things difficult for me.
1 tag
“Oh, man, I haven’t watched ‘Wheel’ in forever!”
”.”
